[mock trial intro] move 'em on, head 'em up

[consolemods]

Whatever you were doing before you got here, it isn't what you're doing now. What you're doing now is waking up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room with... unfamiliar glasses on your face. No matter what you can do, you can't take those glasses off... but if you roll your eyes down, you'll be given a rundown of what's going on here.

Hmm. Well, that's probably a little unnerving. Maybe you should... leave? Fortunately, your room's not locked, but as you go downstairs and try and ask the locals what's going on, you'll find they're... less than cooperative. And if you go outside the inn and try to leave into the town... well, you'll find several locations around the town, but you'll also find that you can't seem to leave.

Well. Maybe you should talk to the other people who just showed up here. All the locals are going to tell you is an explanation is forthcoming, so you might want to kill some time getting to know each other.

Comments

5/done

[mybaby]

I must not have heard you right, friend. Or perhaps you need a new pair of glasses?

[look

he's got a talking gorilla for a friend we'll just leave the turtle thing aside and also the smoke]

[kingofkoopas]

The only new glasses I will need are...wait. Let me start that again.

[Give him a second. Evil villain switch in his brain flips on.]

THE ONLY NEW GLASSES NEEDED HERE ARE THE ONES THIS PUB WILL NEED ONCE I STOMP IT TO THE GROUND - WITH YOU IN IT!

1/? i'm having fn

[mybaby]

[and the giant fucking talking turtle is threatening him.

shit, what would Reinhardt d-

2/?

[mybaby]

[NO THAT IS A BAD IDEA. Scratch that idea. Reinhardt would probably think this is a literal dragon, what with the smoke]

3/?

[mybaby]

[ oh god it's a dragon where's reinhardt]

4/done

[mybaby]

[WHERE'S ANY FUCKING TANK AT THIS POINT

WHERE IS HIS HAMMER

well shit time to puff up and put his hands on his hips. and by that we mean 'hand'.]

If it's a fight you're after, dragon, then it's a fight you'll get!...outside.

[kingofkoopas]

[HAMMER? MARIO YOU SON OF A GUN THIS AIN'T DONKEY KONG]

Chivalry, Mario? I'm impressed - BWAHAHAHA! Normally you'd just barge in and utilize a conveniently-placed axe and leave it at that!

[He stomps towards the saloon exit, eyes back at Torb.]

Fine! I can make you into mincemeat outside, too! C'mon, Bob Hoskins!

[mybaby]

My name's Torbjörn, you stupid stack of scales!

[just gonna grab a couple bottles of booze on his way out

he's got a plan]

[kingofkoopas]

Your disguise isn't fooling me, Mario! This is even more phony, and less fabulous, than that time you wore a wedding dress!

[just. turns in the dirt out here. his eyes are filled with hatred, and he beats a fist into his hand.]

[mybaby]

[god in heaven. Torbjörn's just going to sigh dramatically.]

All right, you caught me. I'm Mario. But, before you, ah, knock the stuffing out of me, I just have one little thing to tell you.

[Look, he's even crooking a finger. Come close, nerd scrub buddy]

[kingofkoopas]

Yeah, what's that, plumber?

[casually. stomps forward. ooh, he's gonna enjoy this.]

1/?

[mybaby]

[just gonna wait until he's close enough

then lean in as well, as if sharing a secret]

2/?

[mybaby]

My beard is majestic.

3/done eh

[mybaby]

[JUST GONNA SHOVE THE BOOZE HE GRABBED STRAIGHT IN TO THE DRAGON'S FUCKING MOUTH THANK YOU]